It’s obvious that my idea of “slow” is unlike that of the rest of the Mac-using world.
It’s cheaper than a Macbook pro, it’s got a (no whiny transformer!) LED backlight, and it’s faster than my original Macbook. And it’s got 364 days of warranty left, so if it dies the True Death I can take advantage of one of the local dens of registered Mactribesmen for repairs. The only thing wrong with it is the clown-car feel that Macos 10.5 brings to the table, but fortunately there are already many suggestions for how to declownify the more obvious bits.
It does not suck, which is good because I’m going to be dumping a lot of otherwise valuable hardware on Ebay to pay for it.